Saturday, January 16, 2010

One More from Waiting for G

Here is another post from Waiting for G. I am posting it because I think it's true and insightful, and again general enough not to be to like I'm flashing my undies at you (metaphorically of course).

Drunk dialing: don't do it. Drunk emailing: don't do it. Drunk texting: don't do it.
Sober words, no?
Why, however, is it that these rules of thumb get thrown out the window when a certain melange of alcohol and nostalgia become the puppet masters of tap, tap, tapping finger pads?

Here's the thing though, the content in those messages that slip through are not necessarily bad to get out, but one must know one's audience. A certain regret drizzles through your head the next morning when you realize you have wasted your words on stopped up ears.


Today I went for a walk and I came across a book of abridged Freud essays. I really enjoyed the seminar I took on Freud in grad school, so I stopped. I opened to a passage about some conference, German words, skip, skip..."Wait is this book in English?" I thought. My vision scrolled down and my language returned, but it was still of little interest. I opened to another place, where the binding had come undone. It seemed the owner had opened to this place repeatedly. It was a passage about hysterical women. The prevailing view of Freud, if you don't know, is that he was a misogynist. His writing on hysterical women is a great example of him at his worst.

In the passage he talked about how the physical behavior of hysterical women was actually an expression of a psychic drama. The behavior seems so aberrant to the common observer because they are watching a woman play two roles at once. Imagine you role played those conversations you have in your head with the imaginary version of a person who ticked you off. Of course, in this pretend conversation you've got a real zinger to zap him right up the crapper. Anyway, the line between sanity and hysteria is having the self-restraint to not play that out physically.

Why does the woman feel a compulsion to freak out? Well, according to F sexual energy needs to be released, but repression prevents the woman from a healthy release of energy so it comes out like that.


Drunk dialing is somewhat like that. One makes the rational decision that one will not extend one's energy into avenues that have proven unhelpful or even harmful. Yet, there's a reason you went down that road at some point and the memory of what originally took you there drives you to want to go back.

As long as one has good judgement the road remains blocked off. Alcohol, though, is an agent that removes the roadblock, so you go trotting down that path again. How can one avoid this? I think in some ways by acknowledging that desire to go down that road in the first place, before you put yourself in a vulnerable position. One can say one will just not get drunk again, but if one is like this one, some night of too little dinner and one drink too many will undo weeks, even months of this resolution. The point is not to avoid all types of vulnerability, but to find a way to live with and express that energy.

One must become a sculptor of desire and love and passion, possibly even hate. The materials are really incredible if you think about it.

Anyway, one way to look at the finger tapping faux pas is that it was a BIG mistake and whatever it was IS OVER. You are done with that point and need to move to the next.

That's one way to look at it, but it's a very punctual perspective; it loses the space between.


This right here, right now, is an ode to the space between. It is a 'here here' to the fact that something sparked an electric vibration in the soul. Go make something thing with it. Thank the universe that you have the divine inspiration of being affected by another person. Don't leave it swarming inside so that it comes
ut when you are least able to make it beautiful.

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